he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you didnt know i had herpes?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
