the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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