Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
