Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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