i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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