We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
