My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
