You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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