Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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