Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
