thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
