There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
50% drunk capacity currently
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize