you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize