can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
my being single is dangerous.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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