you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
