I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
