I accidentally had phone sex last night
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
