dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
