i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
