he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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