He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
