What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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