The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
