we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
