I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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