You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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