she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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