I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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