clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
