you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
