i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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