I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
