No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
