I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
