My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I had to cum in my sink.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
