East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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