Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
