I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I pour the whiskey from now on
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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