omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
