well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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