The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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