I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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