just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize