ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
