i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
