Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
