Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
