Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
