wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
