This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize