So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
