god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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