you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I am one with the molecules
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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