Cold hands, warm shart.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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