I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize