oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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