I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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