Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize