Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
