then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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