I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
