now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
