they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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