Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
