Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
